I love these girls. They are so young, and whether because of that or despite it, they are so resilient, open, so engaged. They live their struggles and successes to the hilt, they feel every moment of each, and they do it all with absolute integrity and dignity. They just roll their eyes and get on with it.
One kid I work with has gotten out and then gone back to her pimp a couple of times already. These are her practice tests. She is gradually getting used to living out of the life, wrapping her head around finding a job, getting her GED, doing normal things which 7 months ago seemed completely out of her range of possibility. I know that every time she goes back - even though each time she gets stronger, her belief in herself deepens, and she sees more of what her life could be - I may never see her again. But her attitude is that she is going to make this happen. She’s broke, she’s homeless (moving from one motel room to another) the only things she owns are in my possession, but she is healthy, alive in her mind and in her soul. She likes to talk, she likes to sing. She makes everyone laugh. She blazes.
This girl has been staying alive in the life for at least three years, she has seen some horrible shit, she has been on the receiving end of even worse.
And she has more humanity than I can describe.
All of my girls do.
One girl is back with her mom now. She’s got a job, she wants to go to community college, she’s saving up for her own apartment. All she wants to do now is eat good food and talk. And talk.
Sometimes when I’m watching her, I can kind of see her blooming into her own skin. Starting to fill out, like her body used to be a strange fitting piece of clothing which she is now growing into.
She has anxiety because she feels eyes on her at times, in her own neighborhood she thinks everyone knows about her or is looking at her sideways, and maybe sometimes they are. But she lives with it, she doesn’t lash out. She tells me that when she gets comfortable with herself and gets over the past she won’t feel that way anymore. I still haven’t been able to figure that out.
I just want to celebrate these kids and have everyone know them. I’d forgotten that people can be like this. I’d wrap them up in everything I have in my heart and take them away from it all if I could, but until then I’ll just settle for being lucky enough to know them.
